How resisting growing up can retrain your brain to seek out kindness

There once was a Christmas Ninja, who secretly left gifts for people who had brought something positive into his and his family’s lives in the past year. 

What a great concept. 

Vince Warnock and his wife Leanne came up with this when their kids were little, as a foil to the traditional Christmas stories.  And out of a childhood story has come an annual family tradition and a strong ethos of showing kindness to others as default. 

That just goes to show how from little acorns, giant trees grow.  I’m a big fan of both acorns and oak trees, of trees in general.  And the world needs trees more than ever now.  Just as humans need kindness more than ever. 

There’s something about how children learn that is fascinating.  They want to feel and taste things first, because they’re not sure if what they’re seeing is true.  My younger kids often ask me, is that movie or tv show ‘real’?  Because they have retained their sense of questioning about what they see.  But if they feel it, its real.  If they feel love, its real.  Even though they can’t see it.  If they feel sad or afraid, its real even if I go outside and check there’s nothing lurking in the dark. 

Dr Norman Chorn told me something fascinating years ago (and apologies Norman if I don’t describe it exactly as you would – I’ve internalised it!).  Here it is: if someone hasn’t experienced something, its very difficult for them to see it in their minds.  Because the neural connections aren’t there – the physical neural connections in their physical brain.  But, if you walk them through a scenario, you mentally take them down the path, their brain can forge shadow neural pathways that allow them some semblance of understanding.  Being told a story about something without really experiencing it can grow connections in your brain!

In change management, this is a very important concept.  The quality of the story telling, the clarity of the plan or the simple description of the process.

For those who don’t know what’s coming, and who are often afraid, being good at walking them through the scenario ahead is invaluable. Of course, you then have to make sure you keep to that story, plan or process – or explain clearly why not.

The same it happens is true of dancing – you practice a dance on one day and you’ll be fudging all the steps.  You sleep on it and while you’re sleeping your brain ‘practices’, and you’re slightly less fudgy the next time you do it.  So, if we practice kindness will we all become more kind?  If kids feel more love, will they show more love?  If we plant more acorns, will more oak trees grow?  I think so.

To find out more about the work of Dr Norman Chorn, check out  https://www.drnormanchorn.com/

Go to https://chasingtheinsights.com/ to listen to Vince’s own podcast Chasing the Insights, or learn more about what he does

Star Wars, Christmas Ninjas and rewarding kindness, with Vince Warnock - podcast

The illustration below depicts the journey of the podcast episode with Vince, have a read. 

Hear my whole conversation with Vince Warnock. 

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